A Few Tough Nights

My mind wandering over the past nights.
Making my meditations very difficult! 

The past few nights I have found my meditations to be very difficult. I had a really hard time focusing. As I have decided that I prefer to meditate without music or guided meditation, but instead in complete silence, any little nice around the house can catch my attention. For example, my father watching TV. I can hear the television from my bedroom, and it is very difficult to tune it out.

My sister is another distraction, her room is right next to mine, and she is usually getting ready for bed when I am doing my meditation. I can hear her door opening and closing, while she runs from her room to the bathroom.

However, my main distraction; the noise in my own head! 

On Sunday night in particular. I had had a very big weekend and could not stop thinking about it. I also met a guy on Saturday night, and we made plans for Monday to grab coffee. Understandably, I was quite nervous, and couldn't stop going over different scenarios in my head! 

I don't have the most experience in the dating scene. Not because I don't get asked out. I always just say no... I think it is because I am afraid they won't like me once they get to know me, or something silly like that. That's a whole other can of worms! 

I tend to get really nervous when I have to try new things and tend to over think things. A lot. I really do get myself worked up over these things. Even though I know; in the long run it really doesn't matter. And when it comes to this boy; if things don't work out, chances are, I won't ever see him again. He doesn't exactly run in my circle of friends. 

Monday night was quite similar, except I was constantly thinking about our little coffee date. That, by the way, went fine. He even asked if I wanted to do something this coming weekend. But for some reason I still felt the need to obsess. 

Tuesday night, I still couldn't stop obsessing. I kind of think that that is not very healthy? Not sure.

Hopefully, tonight will be different. I think I am more relaxed so that is a plus!